Do They Still Do That? Ep. 1

Do they still do that? I’ve been out of the game for quite some time. I don’t know what it’s like being a member of the Canadian Reformed Church in 2017. All I know is that it was unstimulating when I was still in. With that stupid intro, I present,

Episode 1: The Peppermint.

Do the pepermuntjes still enjoy exclusivity in the church?

Maybe, now that I think about it, there was some logic to the roll of Kings over any other kind of sweet in church. They could be dispensed quieter than a celophane-wrapped thing, or passed down the pew, they’re Dutch (which matters if you're as insular as we are), and dammit, they taste amazing. Oh shit, I just wrote ‘dammit’ in a church post! Oh shit, I just said ‘shit’ too!

Sometimes the only thing stopping me from nodding off part way through the (somehow obligatory) third point of a sermon was a mint. Indeed, they brought a little bit of sweetness to an hour of rather lugubrious abasement.

What’s your brand? The traditional King?

The fancy Wilhelmina ones in a box or cone-shaped bag? 

Or are you—like we were—the Bulk Barn scotch-mint-in-a-bag folks?

Why only mints, though, seriously? My mother told me it was a rule. So-and-so had told her. That’s pretty much how things roll in the CRC BTW. Mutual repression. If I had unpocketed some fruity candy during the service would it have come up in a home visit?

But wait, there actually was the literal black sheep of the church candy. The de facto substitute for the mint known as he the zoute dropje. Anyone who says Canadian Reformed people don’t have a sense of humour has never gleefully offered a double zoute to the neighbour kid and waited for his priceless reaction.