Don’t Be Scared

When I left the Canadian Reformed Church, I was scared. Scared before doing it, while doing it… but not after. My story is not unique. We all were scared. I would like to tell you that you don’t have to be afraid.

There are three reasons I was scared. Maybe some of this will sound familiar.

But I will tell you why you don’t have to fear. I was (and you may be) in a threefold hostage situation.

I was afraid I would lose my family and those closest to me.
Every family is different and times may have changed since I left the CRC decades ago, but as I recall, there are repercussions to leaving the so-called communion of saints. There are many religions and denominations that shun those who leave. There were echoes of that in the CRC when I was a kid and that instilled a fear of being so alone if I left, that that by itself was enough to give pause.

But here’s what actually happened. My family didn’t disown me. We still talk. We still visit at each other’s places. They love their grandchildren. I even still attend the odd service with them. It IS true that there is tension. There are topics that I steer away from, but hey, life isn’t easy. Still, we enjoy our time together.

I was afraid I would flounder without my strongest social network.
At the heart, any church is a community. I didn’t just worship with them on Sunday and head back out into the world after. Our lives were so bound together. We played sports among the faithful, dined, vacationed, and of naturally, dated within the group. And in each other, we knew there was trust. So even though I suspected that the whole thing was balanced on a load of bull, I was afraid that I’d be lost without them.

But here’s what actually happened and what could happen to you. Canadian Reformed people are mostly a hearty, resilient bunch of folks. I’ll give them that for sure. But that’s also what made me jump ship and dare to face the consequences. I developed large social networks in parallel with my church one long before I left. Guess what? There are other people in the world that you can develop bonds of trust with. YOU know what trust looks like because you have seen the CRC. If an outside friendship doesn’t have the hallmarks of that trust, then don’t take the bait. Simple. Despite what you may have heard, the world is full of awesome, caring people.

I was afraid I would burn forever in the fiery pit as God turned His face away from me.
Isn’t this the ultimate deterrent? If you are at all like I was, you feared that every misstep you took was being noted by God. Surely there was no hope for me if I left the one true church. As a believer and as a doubter I tormented myself for every impious thought. Life sucked. It would seem I’m not alone in this. Why else were CRCers in BC invited to a talk in October 2016 entitled "Being Right or Living Well" https://genevasociety.org/2016/10/06/dejong/?  Seems this kind of inner struggle happens a lot!

But I left anyway. And if had to do it all over I would. Again and again. I haven’t become some selfish hedonist feeding my ego or some addiction as it seems the caricature goes. Instead I would say I’m far more compassionate and Jesus-like than I was as a member of the flock. I live a life with my family in quiet humility. I have friends of all walks of life many of whom are as close as family. I have continuing struggles just like the next person, but the yoke is gone from my neck.

So if you are having doubts about your place in the CRC just know that this is not a rare thing. Many have left and there are many like you on the inside who are bound by the fear or other strictures (which I hope we can talk about later) who have yet to open the door and walk out into the sunshine. When will you be ready?